I remember when

Last night I was thinking about Chris' life and what it meant. As much as I try to figure out what my meaning in my life meant, I never will. It's just one big guessing game and sadly until I die I will never know what my life amounted to on Earth. My life's work isn't what it does to me, I'm not important in this equation, my life's work is the impact it will have on the world after I am gone. Whether I changed one person's opinion, whether one soul within the billions had some intangible effect on another soul. If I can do that then I think my life would have meaning. Since I cannot figure out how my life will impact other people, I was thinking about how Chris' life impacted mine, and oh how his did. I was so young and confused when I met him, his life and story made me realize you can find genuine good people somewhere, it's just a matter of finding them. He taught me there will never be something wrong with me, to never look back at all those people who had hurt me, and he taught me to be fearless. Maybe his fearlessness was his fatal flaw and is what killed him, that I might never know. But what I do know is those nights I had with him belong to us, and those nights are what kept me alive in a time in my life where I was spiraling so far, so fast, he was my angel.

Midnight on a school night

I wish I had to courage to talk to you more often because you have treated me better then anyone else in my life.

Did you get to do everything you wanted?

Dear Rory,
I miss you terribly. It's so hard to force myself to not think about you, because I can't. You hurt me, abused me, used me, but I still miss you. I guess I don't want to forget all you taught me, and I hope you won't try to forget me. In a way I wish we can go back to those five hour phone conversations, but I know we can't and we never will. So all I can hope is without me you can go and find everything you ever wanted out there, that all your dreams and aspirations will come true. Because, even though you hate me, a part of me hopes you would wish the same for me.

I think another reason why I'm thinking about you is I heard your song for me, and I keep listening to it. I used to not be able to listen to it, but now I can and it makes me happy that at a time you thought of me that way. It's so hard because I shouldn't care for you, miss you, crave you, but I do. I just keep thinking about how you used to be, but you changed in a way I hated, you changed into a person I never want to know. Someone who hated his best friend, his life, and himself and all he did was take it out on a fifteen year old girl.

And with that

Summer is gone.

Kicked out of my house, got into a car crash, got a puppy, got in touch with Brandon again.

This school year will be interesting.

Summer Colours

I've realized I go through phases with my colour palette's for my clothing, last year I wore variations of only primary colours and jeans, this fall/winter I was all about clashing colours, neon, etc, and then this late winter/spring I was obsessed with metallics. Now I'm in a softer, muted phase. Not exactly pastel because the colours are a little more saturated like this palette I made:


Color by COLOURlovers

I'm also adoring lace, off-whites and silk.

This monday

I hope I realize even if I crash and burn over and over, I'm still better then anything you made me to be.

While the oceans sang

I swear SupraDarky has never steered me wrong with music.



I've never played the game before and I was having some trouble figuring out what this reminded me of. I thought at first it was reminiscent of Besaid Island from Final Fantasy X, but then I realized it wasn't quite that. Then it made me think of a beautiful ocean-side town, bursting with life. With a rocky beach that children would watch the sunset, and teenagers watch the sunrise. The balmy breeze left your skin tingling with energy, then slowed down to a stubble cold sear.